I am not a blogger, by nature. This, I have deduced from my previous attempts to keep a blog going. It just doesn’t come naturally to me, keeping a regular schedule, updating again and again. While I do enjoy writing, there is a drive, deeply ingrained in me, not to force something for the sake of production.
It’s not a good thing, I think. Forcing production will, of course, result in some duds, but on the whole I think it would do me good to write something regularly – both from a writing and a time management point of view. Improving prose is a good thing. Managing time enough to do it is also a good thing. I have always disliked the Da Vinci quote about there being sufficient time for those who make use of it, because I always feel that time is not sufficient. Unable to fault the premise of the quote, I am left with the fact that I just plain suck at managing my time, something I should seek to rectify. Apparently, Da Vinci also said, “I have wasted my hours,” a much more heartening quote on one level as it puts me in good company – but a second look brings me down to Earth again as it means Da Vinci managed to waste his hours a lot more productively than I.
But back to the point: I am not a blogger, or rather, not blogger material. I don’t have a specific topic – TV reviews, for instance – in mind to give this thing a focus. I don’t mingle with famous people, and know very little in the form of gossip. I have no particular qualifications setting me up as someone giving informed opinions on a subject. Or, I suppose a case could be made that I should be able to speak with some authority on the subject of revenge tragedy in comics, but I certainly don’t feel like an expert. The thesis got a middling grade, in any case. Looking back on it now, only half a year on, there are already many things I would do differently in it had I the chance, but I don’t really spend much effort on that line of thought.
This is another deeply ingrained conviction, a healthier one this time. I firmly belive that there is little point in dwelling on things you can’t do anything about, and the past falls firmly into this category. I just do not see the point in worrying about something beyond my own ability to affect. That’s not to say that I never do, of course, but I try not to, and I think I am happier for it. The Serenity Prayer does sum it all up quite nicely, I think: Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. What cannot be changed, past mistakes among them, should not unduly disturb the present.
But isn’t this whole post dwelling on past failures, failures of time management, commitment, and writing? Yes, and no. Not allowing the past to disturb you isn’t the same as not learning from it. And that, I suppose, is the point of this whole thing, in addition to forcing production – it is a resolution to change and do better. Is it a New Year’s resolution? Not really, though I suppose the arrival of a new year helps kick start this sort of stock taking. Let’s call that one a maybe.
I’ve cleared away the old nonsense from this site, making room for new things. I am not a blogger, but I am resolving to try to become one. Regular production of text, on a schedule of some sorts. Public shame should I falter. And what is all this blogging going to be about? I have no idea. Probably a lot more stream of conciousness rambling like this, to be honest. Hopefully I’ll find a few actual topics to bite into in between the duds. You have to write a lot of shit to get to the gold, the wisdom goes, so if I keep going long enough, I’m sure something will come of it.
I have wasted my hours. I will probably waste many more. But going forwards, I’ll see if I can’t save a few of them.