I don’t know when my cell phone first began to resent me, but I’m certain now that it does. The clues have been there for a long time, and have now become so numerous that the truth can no longer be ignored or denied.
My cell phone hates me.
I don’t know why. I’ve always treated it well, as I treated its two predecessors well. I’ve been faithful to it for years, not even looking at newer models, much less considered getting a replacement. I’ve never been angry or irritated over lack of features such as camera or mp3-player. I’ve never downloaded images or songs or logos for it, but kept it clean and healthy. I’ve cleared out my inbox as soon as it got full. I’ve never dropped it or mistreated it. Yet, it hates me.
At first, the symptoms were few and far between. A stray text message would not be delivered. It could be that it was sent to the wrong number. It would fail to vibrate when the sound was switched off. I might have accidentally messed with a setting when I set the clock. Then it would vibrate excessively and noisily whenever I put it on a wooden surface, causing near heart attacks every time. My bad for not keeping it in my pocket.
Then the alarm didn’t go off when it was supposed to, and I miss the morning meeting, messing up my perfect attendance, and worst of all, I don’t get breakfast. Could I have set it wrong? A month or so later, it happens again. Did I sleep through it?
Now, it happens every morning.
I’ve run tests. I set it to go off several times, with me watching. It always rings while I’m staring at it, but if I don’t touch it, the alarm stops after a minute or so. Fine. Maybe I could sleep through that. But then it shows me a little symbol, an alarm clock, to let me know that I’ve missed an alarm.
That symbol is not there when I wake up in the morning.
I’ve checked and double checked. It is set right, it should go off, but it doesn’t. My cell phone hates me, hides my calls and text messages, and messes up my internal clock by letting me sleep till four.
I’m glad I discovered this now, while I’m not at school. Obviously, I can’t have any of this nonsense there. Though it pains me, I fear there is no other choice.
I need a new cell phone.
Aw, man!